Thursday, January 10, 2019

Heaven’s Angel

I don’t know where to begin but to say that today is a reminder of extreme loss. Today carries heavy pain, tears, and remembrance. 
Only a year ago today, heaven gained another angel. Not just any angel but MY angel. Our angel.

Today you would be about 4 months old. We can only imagine your beautiful face, your contagious laughter, the twinkle in your eye, and the smile you carry. We even imagine your tears, your attitude, and screeches of demand as like any baby. It’s all so precious and daddy and I wish you were here to share those moments with us.

I remember my last day with you. I sensed an irrational fear that Im sure because you felt my fear but dad told me that everything was going to be okay. You gave off a sense of urgency and longing for my attention. I heard you baby girl and I know you heard me as I laid my hand on your body and told you how much I loved you. I told you that everything is gonna be okay. And that no matter what, I will love you the best that I can and for as long as I can. 
I felt you calming down as I also felt and overwhelming sense of peace. Turns out we needed it because the very next morning, my worst fear came true as we woke up to find you gone. Without a warning or sign and without the ability and time to say our goodbyes. I cannot begin to explain how empty Dad and I felt and still feel to this day. 

If love could have saved you, you would have been in our arms forever. 

We cannot even begin to express how much we love you and how much it hurts that we had to let you go but we just want you to know, Baby Girl, 
If heaven had a telephone line, we would call you everyday. If heaven had a mail man, we would write you everyday. And, if heaven had a doorway between here and there, we would be with you every waking moment. We would wipe your tears when you’re hurt and cuddle you until you feel better. We would tuck you in every night, kiss you, and tell you how much we love you. 
My brain is filled with all the “what ifs” that comes along with the thought of wishing you were still here in our arms. 
The only thing that brings comfort to my soul is that you are in a better place than anyone, including dad and I both, could ever provide for you here on this earth and you have got the best provider anyone could ever ask for too!

Precious one, so small and so sweet, dancing on Angel's feet, straight from Heaven's most brightest star, what a miracle you truly are.
One day, I looked forward to joining your dance. But, until then, not one day goes by that I don’t think of you. 

We love you so much baby girl. 

- Mommy and Daddy




Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I'm always asking why this world had to lose such a ray of light we never knew.

It's not my place to question, only God knows why. God must need another angel around the throne tonight.