Tuesday, July 19, 2016

I Am the Definition of Imperfection

I am not perfect.
Surprise! Well, to anyone who knows me, it's really not much of a surprise. I mean, I'm 5'4', carry a few extra pounds, and I defiantly don't have a model body by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm still a teen and am having to go to physical therapy.
I'm moved out, support myself, but I struggle to pay the bills and, when I do, I have little to no money left over.
I have such a small savings in my banking account some would hardly consider it a start.
I have two low paying jobs.
I haven't gone to college, don't go to college, and don't know when I will nor what I will go for, not to mention, how I will afford it when I do.
I struggle with trusting God. I dont always do as he says is right. I turn my back on him and do things my way.
I struggle with sin. Some more than others but when I struggle with this one particular sin, it effects my future and is currently effecting my present time of being.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Which can be good but I am very trusting and sometimes naive, as some would say.
I feel strongly. I love much. And I am and all-in or a all-out kinda person. There's no in between.
I could go on and on but soon enough I would probably bored you to death.
But to be honest...I'm ashamed with myself. Not who I am now but who I used to be and how my decisions in the past are effecting me today and how they will effect my future.
Ilay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and I bawl as I cry out to God. I wish I didn't do those things...
But the point is, I am beyond perfect. No, seriously...literally, I mean that and can't stress it enough that I am not perfect and will never make it even remotely close to reach that standard.
There are days, such as today, where I lay my head in my hands that collect a puddle of tears as I bawl and wonder and ask God over and over and over if there's hope for me.
If I will ever achieve my dreams. If a man will ever think I will be worth the fight. If I will be able to not only have a family but have a job that will be able to support my family. If, one day, I will be able to pay my rent or my phone bill or buy groceries without having to budget every single thing to the last penny.

But guys...listen.
The one thing that needs to be remembered after this is all of a sudden and done with is that even though I, and you, am not perfect, Jesus thinks we are to die for. No matter whether anyone on this world will be willing to fight for me and you, there's one who has already won the battle for us. And that is Jesus.

No matter how low of a self-esteem you have about yourself (or high self-esteem for that matter) the one thing we all have in common is short-comings, sin, and imperfection.
I'm telling you straight up, whether you one of my family members, friends, acquaintances, a future friend or family member, or a complete stranger...the one thing, and only, I know for sure that I have to offer is Jesus. My heart for Jesus is beyond measuring. And that, my friends, is my only hope in what will get me through every circumstance this world has to offer.

If nothing else, leave on this note from His word itself:
2nd Corinthians 12:9 states: "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me"

I say this with tears rolling down my face.....Jesus loves me. It seems so simple but it's so beyond anything a person could understand.
All of these imperfections and sin and all of my weakness and, yet, Jesus has chosen to love me through the thick and thin.

Jesus, needs to be our first love and our forever love. And, until that happens, you will never realize how special you truly are nor will you be able to offer what you were truly made for. No one will ever be able to replace Jesus. Not family, and especially a boyfriend or girlfriend. Afterall, if Jesus is the definition of love and you don't know him nor that you are perfect and loved in Jesus's eyes, how could you ever love the same?

Think about that.
Singing out for now.

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