Christmas: a Season of Tinsel, lights, and Glee....or is it?

  Today I imagine myself 12 years ago. I was 8 years old, a smile on my face, and not a care in the world as I pounce across the room and plop on the floor next to the Christmas tree.
I lie on the floor and look up at the circling as the ornaments and lights reflect off the walls, windows, and across the room. I take a breath of fresh air with a smile on my face as I hum along to the light chorus of Christmas music in the background.

My hand reaches for a reindeer striped gift-

wrapped box with a pretty bow to top it off. I shake it and I listen to the rustle and tussle it makes inside. I begin to imagine the numerous things it could be in that little head of mine. 

I loved Christmas, still do. Christmas is all tinsel and lights, music and glee, little Jesus, presents and cookies. Or is it?

That's what I used to believe, that's what I wish. But, unfortunately, for some individuals, couples, and families, Christmas is Everything BUT happy. 

Some have lost a loved one - some physically, others maybe mentally, emotionally or spiritually. 

Others struggle to pay their bills yet alone feel the pressure to buy a gift for those they love and care about the most. Yet others Christmas has always been a time of stress and I could name so many more instances this rings true.

The point is, be gentle this Christmas season. 

Say thank you to that cashier because she's been holding back her tears all day. 

Allow that man to go ahead of you in the checkout line, his wife just lost her job.

Give that crying little boy a smile, he hasn't slept in days as he pukes everything he eats.

Have patience with that student who seems like she doesn't care, things is, underneath that sweatshirt she's wearing, she has sliced herself as she struggles with depression and self harm.

And be gentle to the young gal, she's raising her kids alone as her boyfriend has been away for over a year as he serves in the military. 

Everyone has a story beneath that smile, frown, and tear.

Be gentle this Christmas season and most of all pray for those around you especially those you love.

To those struggling this Christmas season, hold on. You're not alone and we'll get through this together. <3

Believe In Yourself Not Your Circumstance

You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.
No, seriously, God made us the way he wants us to be and there could never be a more beautiful you.
Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "You don't understand, I am overweight/underweight, and I'm nothing close to being a Hollister model or on the cover of a magazine." or so on.
Before you go on,...stop. Because that's not what I'm talking about.
Don't get me wrong, you were made with such amazing care. Your skin, your body, you hair, and your smile...all of it. It's all just perfect. I'm not just talking about your physical being though, I'm talking about your heart and who you are deep down inside.
Your heart, your personality, and your beauty inside is what's most important.

I am reminded of this song that goes like this, "There could never be a more Beautiful You. Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they (the world) makes you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do; so there could never be a more beautiful you!" - Jonny Diaz

I don't care if you weigh 85 pounds or 500, what matters is your heart.

The other day, as I was browsing the internet, I ran across this quote that says, "As long as one and one is two there could never be a father who loves his daughter (son) more than I love you.".

The way I read it is like God saying it to me. God is my, and your, heavenly father, and no one else ever will ever love us more than he loves each and everyone of us.

No matter who you are, what your size, what color your hair, or how many mistakes you've made in your life...Jesus, our father in heaven, loves you just as much and more today than he did yesterday and even before you made those mistakes, gained those extra 5 pounds, gotten a DUI, and so on.

What really matters is if you
BElieve in
YOUrself
 Be you. Believe in yourself.

A really good friend of mine is going through a hard time currently and one of the things he said was "I can't." Not only did he say it once but I'm sure he said it a good 5 to 6 times in the very same sentence.
My take on that is if you are looking at your past and your current circumstances and allowing them to be the judegement of who you believe you are, how you look at yourself, and what you are capable of, than that needs to change.
My pastor recently said, "If you believe you can't, you're absolutely right. You can't. But when you believe that you can...You bet you can! You could conquer the entire fricking world man!"

Another month, another year, another smile, another tear, another winter and another summer too but there could never be another you. So whatdya say? I'd say being you is the best you could do.

It's not a physical appearance or a problem based on your circumstances nearly as much as it's about your state of mind and especially your heart.

Where's you heart? Is it focused on God and who He sees you as? If not, you may want to re-examine yourself.

Best of wishes, love, and prayer,
The Girl Next Door

I Am the Definition of Imperfection

I am not perfect.
Surprise! Well, to anyone who knows me, it's really not much of a surprise. I mean, I'm 5'4', carry a few extra pounds, and I defiantly don't have a model body by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm still a teen and am having to go to physical therapy.
I'm moved out, support myself, but I struggle to pay the bills and, when I do, I have little to no money left over.
I have such a small savings in my banking account some would hardly consider it a start.
I have two low paying jobs.
I haven't gone to college, don't go to college, and don't know when I will nor what I will go for, not to mention, how I will afford it when I do.
I struggle with trusting God. I dont always do as he says is right. I turn my back on him and do things my way.
I struggle with sin. Some more than others but when I struggle with this one particular sin, it effects my future and is currently effecting my present time of being.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Which can be good but I am very trusting and sometimes naive, as some would say.
I feel strongly. I love much. And I am and all-in or a all-out kinda person. There's no in between.
I could go on and on but soon enough I would probably bored you to death.
But to be honest...I'm ashamed with myself. Not who I am now but who I used to be and how my decisions in the past are effecting me today and how they will effect my future.
Ilay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and I bawl as I cry out to God. I wish I didn't do those things...
But the point is, I am beyond perfect. No, seriously...literally, I mean that and can't stress it enough that I am not perfect and will never make it even remotely close to reach that standard.
There are days, such as today, where I lay my head in my hands that collect a puddle of tears as I bawl and wonder and ask God over and over and over if there's hope for me.
If I will ever achieve my dreams. If a man will ever think I will be worth the fight. If I will be able to not only have a family but have a job that will be able to support my family. If, one day, I will be able to pay my rent or my phone bill or buy groceries without having to budget every single thing to the last penny.

But guys...listen.
The one thing that needs to be remembered after this is all of a sudden and done with is that even though I, and you, am not perfect, Jesus thinks we are to die for. No matter whether anyone on this world will be willing to fight for me and you, there's one who has already won the battle for us. And that is Jesus.

No matter how low of a self-esteem you have about yourself (or high self-esteem for that matter) the one thing we all have in common is short-comings, sin, and imperfection.
I'm telling you straight up, whether you one of my family members, friends, acquaintances, a future friend or family member, or a complete stranger...the one thing, and only, I know for sure that I have to offer is Jesus. My heart for Jesus is beyond measuring. And that, my friends, is my only hope in what will get me through every circumstance this world has to offer.

If nothing else, leave on this note from His word itself:
2nd Corinthians 12:9 states: "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me"

I say this with tears rolling down my face.....Jesus loves me. It seems so simple but it's so beyond anything a person could understand.
All of these imperfections and sin and all of my weakness and, yet, Jesus has chosen to love me through the thick and thin.

Jesus, needs to be our first love and our forever love. And, until that happens, you will never realize how special you truly are nor will you be able to offer what you were truly made for. No one will ever be able to replace Jesus. Not family, and especially a boyfriend or girlfriend. Afterall, if Jesus is the definition of love and you don't know him nor that you are perfect and loved in Jesus's eyes, how could you ever love the same?

Think about that.
Singing out for now.

He's Got Your Back

I was recently discussing a serious matter with a friend of mine where both of us had very strong thoughts and feelings involved in the certain decision.

I asked a question that I only wanted to hear one answer to, and, of course, the answer that came forth was the answer exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear and it felt like it came too soon as I emotionally broke down.
The conclusion was something I had assumed would be, but I still teared up after doing my best to mentally and emotionally prepare myself beforehand.
I was sad, upset, and hurt too, but, at the same time, and even though, it wasn't what I wanted to hear, oddly enough, it was exactly what I wanted to hear. It seems weird, but what I wanted to hear ultimately came down to one thing: honesty...and that's exactly what I got.

With all of this being said, I want to give you one thing to take away from all of this.

My response to my friend, with my less than attractive dripping nose, tears streaming down my face, my throat closed tight, and my hands trembled in an effort to express the thoughts bottled up inside me, I calmly and confidently stated, "...through all of this, there is and lesson, a reason, and a plan.".

And that, my friends, is why I say to never regret anything. You can apologize or feel sorry for something, but to say you regret it is where you make the mistake. The reason I say that is no matter what it is that you could regret, you can also learn from.
There are so many things in life to be sad, hurt, angry, upset, and disappointed about but they all have one thing in common....opportunity. Yes, you heard me right. Remember my statement from earlier? I'll repeat it. "Through all of this, there is a lesson, a reason, and a plan.".

Next time someone or something, somewhere down the line, gives you something you don't want, take it and go with it! Whether it's a repercussion due to a bad decision, something didn't go as you planned, something happened (or didn't happen), or something is taking longer than you had hoped for, make sure to lighten up, relax, and go with the flow. Because, "Through all of this, there is a lesson, a reason, and a plan.".

Remember, just like you have once trusted your friend to catch you during a trust fall, God has got your back in the very same way. Allow him to work in his wondrous ways and be amazed! I guarantee that the next time you experience a moment of confusion, frustration, or hurt, and look up to God and just trust him, you will not regret it. It may take a while, but you will eventually reap the harvest and it will be plentiful of so much more amazing things than you ever thought possible.
 
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but, in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.

Another Door is Closing or Rather....Opening

Since the age of 9 I was convinced God was leading me in the direction to pursue serving in children's ministry as a pastor but life threw a curve ball at me once I graduated.
I had a boyfriend with a daughter of his own. The relationship taught me so much in the way that i realized I could love a little girl that wasn't my own blood just like she was mine. But one thing that the relationship taught me, as I sat in the grass with my lover at the time, I looked across the yard and watching the little girl smile and laugh and have the time of her life as she jumped through the sprinkler...right then and there was when it dawned on me that all these years of my love for children, and me seeking internship as a children's pastor was all meant to show me that the purpose of my big heart is that one day I will be married, a wife and a mother with a family and children to call my own.

 The Lord revealed to me that very day that I will be the greatest mother not just because of all that he has led me through interning as a children's pastor, but of all that I allowed the Lord to lead me through also. My willingness to follow my dream, or that longing the lord had placed in my heart was all to discover who I was and who he created me to be....a mother.

Fast forward to 8 months ago, after the crazy summer, moving out, getting a full time job, supporting my self...I took an aptitude test that revealed I would be an amazing On-Air Radio Personality.
So, in my search of what I was made to do as a career...I applied at the local radio station here in town. The very next day, I landed a job as an on air personality.
For the past 7 months...I loved every single day that I have been at the radio station.
I can be silly, I can be serious, or I can be sad. It all comes out as I voice the news stories that air over the radio.
I can be me. I love that. But the last month or two I have been unhappy in the way that I want to do more. I wanted to be cross trained, learn more, and become experienced.
I wanted my voice to be heard by thousands. I wanted to be FAMOUS. So much so, that I applied at 5 different stations in the cities.

I spent hours upon hours upon days and weeks researching, writing up my resume, cover letter, and request of internships and after a long time of work, I sent my requests in and applied.
I waited a couple week then began calling the stations just checking up on the process of my application. I left messages with my name and number and still, almost 2 months later, I haven't heard one word from any one of the stations.
I also called Focus on the Family, who airs programs on their Christian station such as a theatre ministry program called Adventures in Odyssey.  It has been my childhood dream to be featured on as the voice of one of the characters. Well, news is that I would not only have to move California but I have to be a member of Americas association of Telivision and Radio Bradcasters as well as also be a part of their Union, be involved in Theatre and also be mentored. As soon I got off the phone with them, I looked up towards the sky, and thought, "well, Lord...that's not gonna happen. Not gonna happen."
hm...I don't know about you but after lots of thought and praying...it seems like God has closed the door on this opportunity, all of it.
Not only that, but to truely pursue the Radio broadcasting business, you have to be willing to move cities and states not just once but multiple times through out your career.
As I travel hours to the cities, on a fairly regular basis, to visit my friends and family, I realize how much I hate the cities.
The traffic, the rush, the smoke, the haze, the tall buildings, and all the lights that cover God's beautiful nature. There's hardly a tree in site and at dark, you cannot see shooting stars, the moon, or the stars. There's not much that saddens me more than not being able to admire God's creation.

I grew up and was raised as a country gal...and truly, honestly, I think that's how I will always be.
Yes, it's nice living in town close to a Walmart, a Cashwise, and a Tacobell down the street but truly I don't need any of that.
And also going with the radio life, I hate walking down the street here in town and people recognizing my voice and freaking out because I'm "famous".
You ever wonder why all these celebrities commit suicides? I do. Their want and desire to be normal will never happen. They can't even go shopping for their own groceries or go through the drive through for a cup of coffee without being recognized. They want to be normal...I want to be normal.
The cities, the famous life....that lifestyle is most likely not happening with this girl.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against moving by any means, and I HIGHLY doubt the small town I'm in at the moment is going to be my forever town where will raise a family. I am willing to move a city or state but I'm looking to settle down, get married, and have a family of my own.
So, with that being said, continuously moving for a career and to be known as some famous celebrity is not my cup 'o' tea.
I am not going to change who I am, my opinions, or where my heart truly is simply for a career that I've thought would be cool to be famous and well known.

Here's the scoop: Every one has a childhood dream...and it just so happened I was blessed by the opportunity to live mine out for the last 7 months only for God to install in me that some dreams are meant to stay dreams.

God blessed me with an amazing opportunity, at the age of 9, to be mentored with a world-known Class act in children's ministry only for me to learn that my big heart for kids is because one day that heart will be used for my own kids someday.
I have also had the amazing opportunity to work at the local radio station and be heard by hundreds only for God to reveal to me that my desire to be famous is not all that it's cut out to be.
Besides, I'm famous in God's eyes. What more could anyone ever want?

All these "misfires", as I could imagine my friend, Jax, would say, are not meant to be looked at as mistakes but rather opportunities. Opportunities to learn, to grow, and to serve God in the best way that you can.
I'm not gonna lie, I've wanted to cry the past few days but at the same time, I try my best to think of it in the way that God put these opportunities in my life to teach me a lesson rather than to give me a lifetime career or my childhood dream. It's all a gift. It's all meant to be and it all plays a role in who I am becoming.

So, with that being said, when life throws a curve ball at you...well, go with the flow. Don't try to open a door that God has already closed. Besides....he's got a WAY better plan for you. Don't sit here and grieve over the closed door but rather when you find that open door...rejoice! For God has big plans!


The Girl Next Door

God Can Use You - Yes, You

Guys, I'm a normal young gal. I've implied this a bunch but recently I've noticed a handful of people treat me differently simply because I'm in the broadcasting industry. I've had a couple people walk up to me and freak out because I'm "THE VOICE" they hear when they tune into the radio. It's fun and it's cool to be recognized by strangers I've never met but, at the same time, it's nothing a person can allow get to their head simply because I am normal. Yes, my voice is heard across the state but I go through life just like anyone else. Believe it or not, the very voice you hear on the radio, is the voice of a gal who has struggles, has tears, laughter, a family, friends, and a life of her own. I'm one of you. I am no different.
I may have a voice that is heard by more but my goal in life is to make people smile and bring a chuckle into someones daily life as they are listening to the radio. And guess what? You can do the same exact thing sitting exactly where you are, with the very same job that you have, with the family and friends that you hang around, and with the very resources you have right in front of you.
Whoever you are, wherever you are, and for whomever, you are just as capable to bring a smile and laughter to this world as I am.
And that my friends, is how I am.....just....like....you.
Mark 16:15 states, "And then he told them, "Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone." Notice how the verse says nothing about "who" can go out in the world and bring lightness? That's literally because that verse was written for anyone and everyone.
With that being said, go out into the world right where you are. You can be the light in the darkness no matter who, where, what, why, or how.
Blessings!

Lemons or Lemonade?

'

We all know the common saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.". Well, but there is also the same quote with a different ending, "If life gives you lemons, throw them back.". And, see...that's exactly where this world goes wrong.
Lemons, as you probably know, represent something in your life that is negative rather than positive. Something that doesn't go our way. It's when a person, situation, or life in general doesn't go the way you want it or expected it to have gone. It's a surprise, an unwelcome and often an unwanted surprise.
I think we, as people in general, often find us complaining, arguing, and simply getting wrapped up in the fact that something didn't go the way we wanted it to. Whether it's following behind someone going 45 in a 55 mph speed limit, an argument, running late to work, Caribou ran out of your favorite Latte mix, getting stopped at every red light possible, and I could go on. After so many things happen we can become frustrated, upset, or even angry. But we've got to remember that there are people that have it so so much worse. Someone out their is getting a divorce, losing their house to a fire, losing their lifelong dream, lost a family member or friend to death, struggling with addiction, someone's baby was lost to a miscarriage. And still yet, others are struggling with depression and waking up in the morning and choosing to live one more day takes every bit of strength they have.
But even then, complaining and ranting about how life is miserable isn't going to do any good unless you are willing to change whats going on.
Recently I heard someone say, "If you don't like life's current circumstances, change something. Because if everything stays the same exact way it is now, nothing will change. It won't."
It starts with you. It starts with the choice of attitude to change something.
that change of attitude starts with one big step. Its only one word, or acronym I should say. Ready? It's simple. Here it is. PUSH: Persist Until Something Happens.
Guys, just because life gives you lemons, don't give up.
In those times of hardship, those moments are sent your way and the devil WANTS you to fail. When the demons push (there's that word again) against you, you need to push back. Not just to prove him wrong, but to prove to yourself that you know you can beat life's tough circumstances. You can overcome and you will overcome, if you try, if you let it.
To sum this up, I'm going to end with Lauren Daigle's song "Trust in You". 
No matter what hardship comes your way, there is always something better planned for you in the long run. You just have to trust. It sounds simple but, yes, it can be difficult. Sometimes we just need to wait for God's hand to move. Just listen to what Lauren has to say. It's a good example of how to live and deal with your toughest circumstances.
Here's the link, Lauren Daigle - Trust in You


Nahum 1:7 “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knows them that trust in him. ”

The Girl Next Door

My Inspiration

As I sit here, a really good friend of mine continues to cross my mind.

A few months ago he made the big decision to join the military and just yesterday he left for basic to join the Minnesota National Gaurd.
I am so proud of him for making the decision because, for one, not everyone can join the military simply because it's not for everyone. It truly takes a special person with a big heart, a huge passion, and a deep willingness to do whatever he can to help. But...that's exactly who he is.
He is hilarious, sweet, and a gentleman with a huge heart and he has the willpower to change the world. And I have been beyond blessed to have the honor of getting to know him recently. 

As the months went by, weeks ticking down, and days sped by, until his departure, his nerves kicked in and he began getting nervous.
On his way to the airport yesterday, I told him, hey, you may have butterflies in the pit of your stomache but that signifies the fact that you are simply stepping out of your comfort zone into something completely foriegn to you. 

And you know, yes stepping out of your comfort zone is nerve racking, scary, and, sometimes, heart breaking, but if you allow it to, it can make you grow immensely. A person doesn't grow where they are comfortable. Why would you? You don't need to? There's nothing being required of you, no challenge. No task beyond the task. There's no future. 

Those days that you cry, that you're nervous, that you're upset, those are all times that can either break you or make you. And if you choose to let it make you, you will grow beyond what a person thought possible.

And that, my friends, is why I am so proud of him. I am proud of him stepping out of his comfort zone. I am proud of him being willing to give up his family for the war of freedom. I am proud of his selflessness. I am proud of him sticking with it. I am proud of who he is yet to come. And lastly, I'm proud of him for doing exactly what God meant for him to do for such a time as this. 

Let us take him as an example of how to live. 

Dill, you're truly my inspiration.
I am so excited for you and everything that you will be going to be doing but also everything that you will learn about yourself as you go through the process of training. Take this opportunity and fly with it! You're going to grow physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally charged and I truly believe you are going to arrive back home a changed man.
I've said it once and I'll say it again, In the times you find yourself in a situation that may be difficult, when you feel down, frustrated, alone, or upset, or just want to give up, remember deuteronomy 31:8. "The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear nor be discouraged." He will be there for ya, through the thick and Thin.

To my dearest friend, even though you cannot see this, this blog post is for you. I love you kid.  You've made an impact on me and my life. I miss you already and I am praying for you!

No Dream is Too Big

Since a little girl I listened to a program that aired every evening at 6pm during the supper hour. This program, Adventures and Oddysey, spiked mine and my sibling excitement like no other thing. Better than any movie or video game we have played.
 Since a little girl I dreamed of being on the radio and having my voice heard. Being able to say what I want, be creative, be funny, and let my personality shine.
Well, fast forward to a few months ago, very unhappy with the current job I had, I began job searching and what do you know, the radio station located near by was hiring. With having no experience or education in the radio industry my doubts of getting in were big but I thought I would give it a try.
Nearly the moment I walk in, the gal who is in charge of hiring wanted to interview me on the spot. Interviewing me before my application was even given to me or filled out.
Shortly after, they offered me the job of being an on air announcer saying that even though I do not have the experience, I have both the voice and the personality that they have been looking for.

As I write this, I am thinking about how blessed I am here. I love it. Previous jobs I have been burnt out within a few months because I don't feel I can be myself simply because most places honestly don't care for personality and honestly don't like it when you have a mind of your own.
But as I write this, I am currently at the station with a little down time, I think about how blessed I am here with a job that I truly love.
My voice is heard, my personality is able to shine, and I am able to be myself. What else is better than that? Nothing...just about nothing.
Of all the years, I have wanted this kind of job, I can hardly believe that I now have it. Sometimes, I have no idea how except for one thing. Being a determined lady with a drive like no other and I'm not willing to give up for anything.
But that's exactly what Psalm 37:4 says. Seek the desires of your heart, and the lord will grant you them.
With that being said, know that no dream is too big of a dream. No desire is too irrational. If it is in Gods will, it will happen. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but if you seek, you will find. If you continue have patience and trust that God has your best interest in mind, things will happen in your favor. Keep up the strength, keep up the patience, and keep working for what you desire.

Suicide

Suicide. The word suicide caught your attention did it not?
What I am about to write is based on the ugly but real subject of suicide.

The truth is, suicide gathers everyone's attention but it is the action which lead up to suicide that are left unnoticed. Except a handful of people, no one really truly knows the deep down truth of my going through being suicidal less than only two years ago.
Starting with depression, I did not realize for some time that it eventually grew into something so serious as being suicidal. Although I have gone through something so difficult and is so often times impossible to explain to the fullest of understanding to someone who has never gone through it, j have changed and have grown the ability of being able to understand others more fluently.
Honestly, before ever going through depression and being suicidal, I was stuck up, and thought much too highly about myself in many ways. The things I said to people with my nose in the air was terrible. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not mean to say that everyone who has not been suicidal think of themselves on a pedestal but am only merely describing myself before experiencing the twisty road of difficulty.

I was happy go-lucky literally night and day. A person would rarely see my face positioned in any other shape other than a smile. It was nearly foreign to see me frown. I was crazy, outgoing, crazy, curious, spontaneous, and spunky. I was known as the Christian girl who had nothing wrong and had a perfect life.
Through the years, I remember hearing Sonoran going through depression but the thought of being sad and down about life was foreign to me. Occasionally, I would hear about a suicide in a news story but I, honestly, could not understand it no matter how hard I tried. The thought of life being so terrible to be willing to end my life had never dawned on me before. It came to the point where the subject confused me to much I almost, I don't know, turned my back to the truth of it. I stuck my nose high in the air saying, "I will NEVER be suicidal". Well, what do you know, only a few short years later, I was caught in the state of depression with thoughts and plans of suicide.

I believe, as a person, I have grown from my experience. Now I still struggle in other areas in my life but I have grown in the way of being able to understand others in many scenarios and situations, what they do, and why they do the things they do.
When talking to people, I can understand everything is not always happy, exciting, or something I may want to hear but sometimes saddening and something that may make my heart ache.
I no longer look down on others as I did before when j see them doing or sayjng something I personally wouldn't because of my morals and oppions simply because as individuals we all have the right to our own opinions and thoughts and beliefs. I have learnt to look at people through another set of eyes that search and investigate rather than condemn and judge. I have learnt that choosing to listen is not time much wiser than choosing to speak. But most importantly, I have learnt that word really do have the power to imapxt like no other thing or person has it will ever have on this earth.
Words can either build up or tear down. Words can either build a castle but can also build a dungeon, words can lighten and encourage someone's day or they can bring darkness and kill, literally. The words we say everyday, both positive and negative, mean the world to someone. I do not know about you, but as a person wanting to once end my life, I do not want to end someone else's world because of something I said but I would rather jelly create it and decorate it with the potential and ability words have to bring beauty into someone's world.
Lastly, I once ran across this quote said by Marilyn Monroe that has inspired, encouraged, and taught me to simply find the beauty in life even in the roughest of times. She quotes, "Just because you fail once, it doesn't mean you're going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always believe in yourself because if you don't, who will? Keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling because life's a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about."

I think Marilyn puts it well. But please, look after your friends. Make sure they are doing well and okay. Sometimes they are going through heavy and dark times. At the time, they may not say it, but they are. Please love them, take care of them, and be there for them. In this time, they need you the most.

An Open Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,
I want to begin by saying you are one of the most important things in my life right now in my thoughts and prayers.
Some nights, I lay awake, not being able to sleep, and think of you. I wonder if we have met, if we talk, of if we have crossed eachother on the street or have made eye contact.
Some days, it drives me nuts that I don't know. Some days, it's frustrating. Afterall, I strive for the deep connection, a strong relationship, marriage, and a family of my own. And honestly, some days, I have cried to God about you.
When I think of you, I try my best to pray for you, for your safety, for your growth (spiritually and emotionally), for your health, and especially your relationship with God.
I pray that we are growing, not just physically, but spiritually too, as our father in heaven is preparing us for eachother.
But sometimes, it's difficult too. I'm praying for you, for someone who is nearly abstract. A thought in my head, a desire, someone I long for in my heart. But I know that God has put that desire on my heart for a reason. We may not know eachother now but what counts is who we are in the mean time and who we allow ourselves to become.
Dearest love, I know how life can be tough. I have had my fair share of struggles, and feel I have had to grow up quickly. But what is most important is how we deal with those difficulties. Try your best to make the best decisions that you can. Not just for you but for your future...our future.

In times of need, I pray that you are seeking God. For not just the difficult life decisions but for the simple too. Because throughout life, people will be in and out, people who were important to you a year ago may have no means go contact with you today. That's life. Thats what happens, we are human, we all change but no matter what, through all the chaos, the lights, the noise, the distractions, and the change, our father in heaven will always be there for you.
To sum it up, the most important thing that you, that we can both do for eachother is continue to strive for our relationship with God.
And most importantly, in the silent times, remember to seek God. In the painful times, remember to praise God. In the terrible times, Trust God. And at all times, thank God.
To my dearest future husband, I love you. ❤️
Sincerely, The Girl Next Door.

The Trees and I - We are Alike

Not many know this about me, but I, for one, love nature. When I still lived at home, whenever I became bored, had nothing to do, or was upset, I would go for a run down our country road. There is never a time that I felt closer to nature that God has created for me to look at.

When I look back on recent years, I can compare myself to a piece of nature known as trees.

When I look at trees it is as if they have an unforeseen strength. Somewhere, there's a hidden secret. Underneath the very ground I am running upon, they have sent their ferocious roots.

When I stop to look up, I realize how tell and how far they are growing but, hidden under where no one sees, they also grow down, grabbing the earth with every bit they have. It as if they have an anger but this is how they keep.

At first glance, trees don't seem powerful. Trees are, often times, overlooked and are under appreciated in the midst of the caose of the cars roaring by, the lights of the city, and the noise of the people passing by. 

Just like trees, God's force in me, hidden within, is more powerful and more beautiful than the naked eye can see. The power and the beauty of trees also coordinates with my next thought.

Trees seem to have this constant silent anger and the way they grow is an am example of the anger, the passion, that they have.

I, sometimes, have felt misplaced and alone, and by looking at those trees in another a different view, on another level, I can identify with these trees.

Trees are not literally angry as I have explained them to be but rather I have been able to implant my anger, my passion into trees. I want to, just like trees, to continue to grow bigger and taller and achieve goals and dreams despite my past and current circumstances. Even though trees cannot physically pick themselves up and move someplace else, trees continue to reach for something in hopes to discover who they really are...what they were truly meant for beyond their current circumstances.

From any and every tree, I take the little advice they have shown me to keep reaching for what I am looking for to find my dreams and live them with a passion. 

I can take a long deep look into trees and begin to realize that I and the trees are more like eachother that I had realized. At times, I have thought that I am the only one who is able to understand trees and trees are the only ones to understand me.

Emotionally connecting myself, I can find beauty of willpower and perseverance that trees show. 

From any and every tree, I take the little advice they have shown me to keep reaching for what I am looking for to find my dreams and live them with a passion. But most importantly, not to just grow upward but to grow deeper too. Meaning, my relationship with God is going to be what will allow me the knowledge (the nutrition) to grow upward and forward  to what God has planned for me.

Blessings in Disquise

As I sit here, I wonder where the time has gone by. I will be turning 20 in about 5 months and life, especially this past year, has moved by so quickly.
In this past year's time, I have traveled to Mexico, graduated Highschool, gone through my first dating relationship, had the honor of being in not one but two weddings, managed to total my car not once but TWICE in less than 6 weeks, moved out and got a place of my own, quit my part time job to get a full time job along side a part time job later on, joined TaeKwonDo and oh my... I am overwhelemed with everything that has happened.

That seems like a lot but honestly, that is just a tiny part of what has happened. In everything I just said, you only know the topic of what has happened but the details of what truly happened are still a mystery. And, by that, I mean to say that beneath all of those things, not only are there smiles, laughter, joy, and blessings, but there are also tears, moments of hopelessness, confusion, anger, and times I honestly didn't know where, why, or how I had gotten to the place of confusion to the point of doubting who I truly was...or rather "whose" I was.

Through all the change, many things happened including losing a few people I hought would be in my life forever that are no longer here. And in that, came anger, confusion, hurt, and a broken heart. But honestly, I believe God took them out of my life for a good reason. One of those reasons is the fact that to even be around those people, I couldn't be me. Over the period of a few months, I had thrown away everything that I truly loved and believed in, including my family and my relationship with God. At the time, I didn't see it or rather, I wasn't willing to because a certain person had my heart and I was willing to do anything for them. Looking back, I know that all my tears were a blessing in disguise. It was a growing opportunity....a lesson learned.
But that's the thing, I truly believe that the toughest moments in life are what makes us who we are.
Although life brings disappointment in the moment and hearts can be broken, that is nothing that God cannot heal.
It's been only a year, and in that short time, God has done some drastic work and I've grown a lot.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God speaks saying, "For I know the plans I for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

With that being said, To sum it up, I mean to say to never allow what the devil uses to hurt you to scare you, because God will use those moments to prosper you.
Never compromise or question what God has planned for you. He brings situations and people in your life to stay a while, some fade out while others stay forever. Trust God in everything that you do. Take it from me, even when it doesn't seem like it, He knows what's up.