No Dream is Too Big

Since a little girl I listened to a program that aired every evening at 6pm during the supper hour. This program, Adventures and Oddysey, spiked mine and my sibling excitement like no other thing. Better than any movie or video game we have played.
 Since a little girl I dreamed of being on the radio and having my voice heard. Being able to say what I want, be creative, be funny, and let my personality shine.
Well, fast forward to a few months ago, very unhappy with the current job I had, I began job searching and what do you know, the radio station located near by was hiring. With having no experience or education in the radio industry my doubts of getting in were big but I thought I would give it a try.
Nearly the moment I walk in, the gal who is in charge of hiring wanted to interview me on the spot. Interviewing me before my application was even given to me or filled out.
Shortly after, they offered me the job of being an on air announcer saying that even though I do not have the experience, I have both the voice and the personality that they have been looking for.

As I write this, I am thinking about how blessed I am here. I love it. Previous jobs I have been burnt out within a few months because I don't feel I can be myself simply because most places honestly don't care for personality and honestly don't like it when you have a mind of your own.
But as I write this, I am currently at the station with a little down time, I think about how blessed I am here with a job that I truly love.
My voice is heard, my personality is able to shine, and I am able to be myself. What else is better than that? Nothing...just about nothing.
Of all the years, I have wanted this kind of job, I can hardly believe that I now have it. Sometimes, I have no idea how except for one thing. Being a determined lady with a drive like no other and I'm not willing to give up for anything.
But that's exactly what Psalm 37:4 says. Seek the desires of your heart, and the lord will grant you them.
With that being said, know that no dream is too big of a dream. No desire is too irrational. If it is in Gods will, it will happen. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but if you seek, you will find. If you continue have patience and trust that God has your best interest in mind, things will happen in your favor. Keep up the strength, keep up the patience, and keep working for what you desire.

Suicide

Suicide. The word suicide caught your attention did it not?
What I am about to write is based on the ugly but real subject of suicide.

The truth is, suicide gathers everyone's attention but it is the action which lead up to suicide that are left unnoticed. Except a handful of people, no one really truly knows the deep down truth of my going through being suicidal less than only two years ago.
Starting with depression, I did not realize for some time that it eventually grew into something so serious as being suicidal. Although I have gone through something so difficult and is so often times impossible to explain to the fullest of understanding to someone who has never gone through it, j have changed and have grown the ability of being able to understand others more fluently.
Honestly, before ever going through depression and being suicidal, I was stuck up, and thought much too highly about myself in many ways. The things I said to people with my nose in the air was terrible. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not mean to say that everyone who has not been suicidal think of themselves on a pedestal but am only merely describing myself before experiencing the twisty road of difficulty.

I was happy go-lucky literally night and day. A person would rarely see my face positioned in any other shape other than a smile. It was nearly foreign to see me frown. I was crazy, outgoing, crazy, curious, spontaneous, and spunky. I was known as the Christian girl who had nothing wrong and had a perfect life.
Through the years, I remember hearing Sonoran going through depression but the thought of being sad and down about life was foreign to me. Occasionally, I would hear about a suicide in a news story but I, honestly, could not understand it no matter how hard I tried. The thought of life being so terrible to be willing to end my life had never dawned on me before. It came to the point where the subject confused me to much I almost, I don't know, turned my back to the truth of it. I stuck my nose high in the air saying, "I will NEVER be suicidal". Well, what do you know, only a few short years later, I was caught in the state of depression with thoughts and plans of suicide.

I believe, as a person, I have grown from my experience. Now I still struggle in other areas in my life but I have grown in the way of being able to understand others in many scenarios and situations, what they do, and why they do the things they do.
When talking to people, I can understand everything is not always happy, exciting, or something I may want to hear but sometimes saddening and something that may make my heart ache.
I no longer look down on others as I did before when j see them doing or sayjng something I personally wouldn't because of my morals and oppions simply because as individuals we all have the right to our own opinions and thoughts and beliefs. I have learnt to look at people through another set of eyes that search and investigate rather than condemn and judge. I have learnt that choosing to listen is not time much wiser than choosing to speak. But most importantly, I have learnt that word really do have the power to imapxt like no other thing or person has it will ever have on this earth.
Words can either build up or tear down. Words can either build a castle but can also build a dungeon, words can lighten and encourage someone's day or they can bring darkness and kill, literally. The words we say everyday, both positive and negative, mean the world to someone. I do not know about you, but as a person wanting to once end my life, I do not want to end someone else's world because of something I said but I would rather jelly create it and decorate it with the potential and ability words have to bring beauty into someone's world.
Lastly, I once ran across this quote said by Marilyn Monroe that has inspired, encouraged, and taught me to simply find the beauty in life even in the roughest of times. She quotes, "Just because you fail once, it doesn't mean you're going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always believe in yourself because if you don't, who will? Keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling because life's a beautiful thing and there is so much to smile about."

I think Marilyn puts it well. But please, look after your friends. Make sure they are doing well and okay. Sometimes they are going through heavy and dark times. At the time, they may not say it, but they are. Please love them, take care of them, and be there for them. In this time, they need you the most.

An Open Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,
I want to begin by saying you are one of the most important things in my life right now in my thoughts and prayers.
Some nights, I lay awake, not being able to sleep, and think of you. I wonder if we have met, if we talk, of if we have crossed eachother on the street or have made eye contact.
Some days, it drives me nuts that I don't know. Some days, it's frustrating. Afterall, I strive for the deep connection, a strong relationship, marriage, and a family of my own. And honestly, some days, I have cried to God about you.
When I think of you, I try my best to pray for you, for your safety, for your growth (spiritually and emotionally), for your health, and especially your relationship with God.
I pray that we are growing, not just physically, but spiritually too, as our father in heaven is preparing us for eachother.
But sometimes, it's difficult too. I'm praying for you, for someone who is nearly abstract. A thought in my head, a desire, someone I long for in my heart. But I know that God has put that desire on my heart for a reason. We may not know eachother now but what counts is who we are in the mean time and who we allow ourselves to become.
Dearest love, I know how life can be tough. I have had my fair share of struggles, and feel I have had to grow up quickly. But what is most important is how we deal with those difficulties. Try your best to make the best decisions that you can. Not just for you but for your future...our future.

In times of need, I pray that you are seeking God. For not just the difficult life decisions but for the simple too. Because throughout life, people will be in and out, people who were important to you a year ago may have no means go contact with you today. That's life. Thats what happens, we are human, we all change but no matter what, through all the chaos, the lights, the noise, the distractions, and the change, our father in heaven will always be there for you.
To sum it up, the most important thing that you, that we can both do for eachother is continue to strive for our relationship with God.
And most importantly, in the silent times, remember to seek God. In the painful times, remember to praise God. In the terrible times, Trust God. And at all times, thank God.
To my dearest future husband, I love you. ❤️
Sincerely, The Girl Next Door.

The Trees and I - We are Alike

Not many know this about me, but I, for one, love nature. When I still lived at home, whenever I became bored, had nothing to do, or was upset, I would go for a run down our country road. There is never a time that I felt closer to nature that God has created for me to look at.

When I look back on recent years, I can compare myself to a piece of nature known as trees.

When I look at trees it is as if they have an unforeseen strength. Somewhere, there's a hidden secret. Underneath the very ground I am running upon, they have sent their ferocious roots.

When I stop to look up, I realize how tell and how far they are growing but, hidden under where no one sees, they also grow down, grabbing the earth with every bit they have. It as if they have an anger but this is how they keep.

At first glance, trees don't seem powerful. Trees are, often times, overlooked and are under appreciated in the midst of the caose of the cars roaring by, the lights of the city, and the noise of the people passing by. 

Just like trees, God's force in me, hidden within, is more powerful and more beautiful than the naked eye can see. The power and the beauty of trees also coordinates with my next thought.

Trees seem to have this constant silent anger and the way they grow is an am example of the anger, the passion, that they have.

I, sometimes, have felt misplaced and alone, and by looking at those trees in another a different view, on another level, I can identify with these trees.

Trees are not literally angry as I have explained them to be but rather I have been able to implant my anger, my passion into trees. I want to, just like trees, to continue to grow bigger and taller and achieve goals and dreams despite my past and current circumstances. Even though trees cannot physically pick themselves up and move someplace else, trees continue to reach for something in hopes to discover who they really are...what they were truly meant for beyond their current circumstances.

From any and every tree, I take the little advice they have shown me to keep reaching for what I am looking for to find my dreams and live them with a passion. 

I can take a long deep look into trees and begin to realize that I and the trees are more like eachother that I had realized. At times, I have thought that I am the only one who is able to understand trees and trees are the only ones to understand me.

Emotionally connecting myself, I can find beauty of willpower and perseverance that trees show. 

From any and every tree, I take the little advice they have shown me to keep reaching for what I am looking for to find my dreams and live them with a passion. But most importantly, not to just grow upward but to grow deeper too. Meaning, my relationship with God is going to be what will allow me the knowledge (the nutrition) to grow upward and forward  to what God has planned for me.

Blessings in Disquise

As I sit here, I wonder where the time has gone by. I will be turning 20 in about 5 months and life, especially this past year, has moved by so quickly.
In this past year's time, I have traveled to Mexico, graduated Highschool, gone through my first dating relationship, had the honor of being in not one but two weddings, managed to total my car not once but TWICE in less than 6 weeks, moved out and got a place of my own, quit my part time job to get a full time job along side a part time job later on, joined TaeKwonDo and oh my... I am overwhelemed with everything that has happened.

That seems like a lot but honestly, that is just a tiny part of what has happened. In everything I just said, you only know the topic of what has happened but the details of what truly happened are still a mystery. And, by that, I mean to say that beneath all of those things, not only are there smiles, laughter, joy, and blessings, but there are also tears, moments of hopelessness, confusion, anger, and times I honestly didn't know where, why, or how I had gotten to the place of confusion to the point of doubting who I truly was...or rather "whose" I was.

Through all the change, many things happened including losing a few people I hought would be in my life forever that are no longer here. And in that, came anger, confusion, hurt, and a broken heart. But honestly, I believe God took them out of my life for a good reason. One of those reasons is the fact that to even be around those people, I couldn't be me. Over the period of a few months, I had thrown away everything that I truly loved and believed in, including my family and my relationship with God. At the time, I didn't see it or rather, I wasn't willing to because a certain person had my heart and I was willing to do anything for them. Looking back, I know that all my tears were a blessing in disguise. It was a growing opportunity....a lesson learned.
But that's the thing, I truly believe that the toughest moments in life are what makes us who we are.
Although life brings disappointment in the moment and hearts can be broken, that is nothing that God cannot heal.
It's been only a year, and in that short time, God has done some drastic work and I've grown a lot.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God speaks saying, "For I know the plans I for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

With that being said, To sum it up, I mean to say to never allow what the devil uses to hurt you to scare you, because God will use those moments to prosper you.
Never compromise or question what God has planned for you. He brings situations and people in your life to stay a while, some fade out while others stay forever. Trust God in everything that you do. Take it from me, even when it doesn't seem like it, He knows what's up.