Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Another Door is Closing or Rather....Opening

Since the age of 9 I was convinced God was leading me in the direction to pursue serving in children's ministry as a pastor but life threw a curve ball at me once I graduated.
I had a boyfriend with a daughter of his own. The relationship taught me so much in the way that i realized I could love a little girl that wasn't my own blood just like she was mine. But one thing that the relationship taught me, as I sat in the grass with my lover at the time, I looked across the yard and watching the little girl smile and laugh and have the time of her life as she jumped through the sprinkler...right then and there was when it dawned on me that all these years of my love for children, and me seeking internship as a children's pastor was all meant to show me that the purpose of my big heart is that one day I will be married, a wife and a mother with a family and children to call my own.

 The Lord revealed to me that very day that I will be the greatest mother not just because of all that he has led me through interning as a children's pastor, but of all that I allowed the Lord to lead me through also. My willingness to follow my dream, or that longing the lord had placed in my heart was all to discover who I was and who he created me to be....a mother.

Fast forward to 8 months ago, after the crazy summer, moving out, getting a full time job, supporting my self...I took an aptitude test that revealed I would be an amazing On-Air Radio Personality.
So, in my search of what I was made to do as a career...I applied at the local radio station here in town. The very next day, I landed a job as an on air personality.
For the past 7 months...I loved every single day that I have been at the radio station.
I can be silly, I can be serious, or I can be sad. It all comes out as I voice the news stories that air over the radio.
I can be me. I love that. But the last month or two I have been unhappy in the way that I want to do more. I wanted to be cross trained, learn more, and become experienced.
I wanted my voice to be heard by thousands. I wanted to be FAMOUS. So much so, that I applied at 5 different stations in the cities.

I spent hours upon hours upon days and weeks researching, writing up my resume, cover letter, and request of internships and after a long time of work, I sent my requests in and applied.
I waited a couple week then began calling the stations just checking up on the process of my application. I left messages with my name and number and still, almost 2 months later, I haven't heard one word from any one of the stations.
I also called Focus on the Family, who airs programs on their Christian station such as a theatre ministry program called Adventures in Odyssey.  It has been my childhood dream to be featured on as the voice of one of the characters. Well, news is that I would not only have to move California but I have to be a member of Americas association of Telivision and Radio Bradcasters as well as also be a part of their Union, be involved in Theatre and also be mentored. As soon I got off the phone with them, I looked up towards the sky, and thought, "well, Lord...that's not gonna happen. Not gonna happen."
hm...I don't know about you but after lots of thought and seems like God has closed the door on this opportunity, all of it.
Not only that, but to truely pursue the Radio broadcasting business, you have to be willing to move cities and states not just once but multiple times through out your career.
As I travel hours to the cities, on a fairly regular basis, to visit my friends and family, I realize how much I hate the cities.
The traffic, the rush, the smoke, the haze, the tall buildings, and all the lights that cover God's beautiful nature. There's hardly a tree in site and at dark, you cannot see shooting stars, the moon, or the stars. There's not much that saddens me more than not being able to admire God's creation.

I grew up and was raised as a country gal...and truly, honestly, I think that's how I will always be.
Yes, it's nice living in town close to a Walmart, a Cashwise, and a Tacobell down the street but truly I don't need any of that.
And also going with the radio life, I hate walking down the street here in town and people recognizing my voice and freaking out because I'm "famous".
You ever wonder why all these celebrities commit suicides? I do. Their want and desire to be normal will never happen. They can't even go shopping for their own groceries or go through the drive through for a cup of coffee without being recognized. They want to be normal...I want to be normal.
The cities, the famous life....that lifestyle is most likely not happening with this girl.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against moving by any means, and I HIGHLY doubt the small town I'm in at the moment is going to be my forever town where will raise a family. I am willing to move a city or state but I'm looking to settle down, get married, and have a family of my own.
So, with that being said, continuously moving for a career and to be known as some famous celebrity is not my cup 'o' tea.
I am not going to change who I am, my opinions, or where my heart truly is simply for a career that I've thought would be cool to be famous and well known.

Here's the scoop: Every one has a childhood dream...and it just so happened I was blessed by the opportunity to live mine out for the last 7 months only for God to install in me that some dreams are meant to stay dreams.

God blessed me with an amazing opportunity, at the age of 9, to be mentored with a world-known Class act in children's ministry only for me to learn that my big heart for kids is because one day that heart will be used for my own kids someday.
I have also had the amazing opportunity to work at the local radio station and be heard by hundreds only for God to reveal to me that my desire to be famous is not all that it's cut out to be.
Besides, I'm famous in God's eyes. What more could anyone ever want?

All these "misfires", as I could imagine my friend, Jax, would say, are not meant to be looked at as mistakes but rather opportunities. Opportunities to learn, to grow, and to serve God in the best way that you can.
I'm not gonna lie, I've wanted to cry the past few days but at the same time, I try my best to think of it in the way that God put these opportunities in my life to teach me a lesson rather than to give me a lifetime career or my childhood dream. It's all a gift. It's all meant to be and it all plays a role in who I am becoming.

So, with that being said, when life throws a curve ball at you...well, go with the flow. Don't try to open a door that God has already closed. Besides....he's got a WAY better plan for you. Don't sit here and grieve over the closed door but rather when you find that open door...rejoice! For God has big plans!

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